Seeing the Elephant: Zombie Attack Diet

When I watch movies I often find myself trying to figure out how the lessons of the stories apply to my life. Idiocracy gave me the only reason to have children that I ever pondered. The Princess Bride taught me not to take life so seriously and to see brilliance in silliness. Beyond the Gates reinforced the need to act as a human being when dealing with Africa and made me ashamed of my country. King of Kong reminded me not to take seriously things that are supposed to be fun. Most surprising to me was the lesson I learned from 28 Days Later; go on a diet.

My love of zombie movies has made me something of an aficionado of zombie attack survival techniques. Almost all zombie survival techniques require a high level of physical fitness. If a non-zombie can’t run, bicycle, use a hand weapon and keep up their stamina, they’re dead. In the event of a zombie attack today, I’ll be one of the first attempting to eat brains.

Max Brooks, author of The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead is considered by many zombiephiles to be the expert in the area of survival during a zombie attack. Brooks suggests ditching the car for a bicycle. A bicycle does not require gasoline, doesn’t alert suspicion because it’s quiet, and if faced with road hazards, it is easy to carry and continue moving. Brooks also suggests leaving your machine gun at home and arming yourself with knives. Guns are too loud and require ammunition. Knowing how to use a knife and being able to ride a bicycle quickly enough to get away from a zombie require both physical stamina and mobility.

Bert DiVietri and Andrew Marshall started the Zombie Survival Association (ZSA) teach the best ways to survive an undead outbreak. Their video lessons teach which weapons are most effective, choosing the smartest weapons for zombie situations, and considering transportation when making a break for it. Almost all of the solutions they offer require a person to be fit enough to run, wield a weapon, and fight.

Most survivalists agree that cold weather deters zombies so finding a mountainous region can be another key to survival. Heading to the mountains on a bicycle requires monumental amounts of athleticism and fortitude.

Both slow and quick-moving zombies are extremely dangerous, and if you are caught at the beginning of an outbreak, and you don’t have a bike or a car, it will be absolutely essential that anyone who wants to survive be able to run as fast and long as it is possible. If that person has children, it may be necessary for that person to carry their children while they run. In the event that they are making a run for it as part of a plan, rations would need to be carried on their back.

Aside from sheer will to live, physical prowess would be a huge deciding factor in survival. It is obvious fatties will have a harder time surviving because they can’t run, bicycle, handle a knife or blunt object for long enough to come out the winner. I admit, in my current physical shape, I would be turned to a zombie in the first wave of attacks. I am unwilling to die in such an undignified manner so it is now my goal to get in prime physical shape, just in case. Will you join me?

http://www.monkeysee.com/play/3165-how-to-survive-a-zombie-attack

Zombie Survival Association

Photo Credit: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/ice-cream-zombie.jpg

http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1572999/20071029/story.jhtml

Bert DiVietri & Andrew Marshall www.expertvillage.com http://www.expertvillage.com/video-series/4074_zombie-attack.htm