Jeff - God of Biscuits and Keeper of the Dead

It was a calm, balmy afternoon in the woods outside the home of the dead. Jeff, god of biscuits and keeper of the dead, was enjoying his cookies when he heard a scratching coming from inside the house. He set the cookie on the ground and it sprouted into a tree. 

The tree's roots grew into the foundation of the house of the dead. The house creaked and groaned as it slowly became displaced by the powerful cookie tree. Before Jeff, god of biscuits and keeper of the dead, could reach the house, the floor split, the spirits of the dead entering the tree and sprouting out as cookies on the tree.

On the other side of the forest at the time was a girl named Ezmeralda. She was slight, her limbs more like that of a small boy than a woman. She ran through the forest, singing an innocent song about the perfume of the flowers in the forest.

Just as Jeff, god of biscuits and keeper of the dead, reached the house, Ezmeralda entered the area around the house of the dead. The ground was shaking as the cookie tree grew and began to shade the entire forest.

Lured by the smell of forming cookies, Ezmeralda approached the tree. She could hear the cookies chattering, calling her closer. When she approached, the cookies said if she ate one, they would grant her one wish. Overcome with vanity, she wished she were not so skinny.

She consumed the cookie, which released the spirit into her body. She instantly grew to five times the size.

And that is why we have obese people. 

Thanks Jeff, god of biscuits and keeper of the dead.