I have no public bathroom fears but lately I am disgusted by what women’s bathrooms have turned into. When did women become as disgusting as men when it comes to the loo? Keeping the bathroom clean isn’t challenging or hard. Yet, it has become a lost art of the girls’ room.
It is not unusual for me to be ready to pee, as I have a tiny little bladder, and have to go from stall to stall avoiding someone else’s urine or broken down fecal matter. The toilets are often filled to the brim with toilet paper unraveled and left to decompose in the toilet.
I remember when going into the girls room meant couches and lots of lights. Women discussing things like their dates or the movie they just saw, while putting on their makeup and sometimes when they were going pee. Now it is a raucous free-for-all with no couches or common sense and I feel the need to waive my fingers at the women who have forgotten good bathroom etiquette.
Here are the ten rules of conduct that must be followed by all women for us to get our Ladies Room back.
Flush: Is it too much to ask a souvenir of the trip by the last person not be left in the toilet? If fear of germs on the handle is a concern, listen to my words, grow up! When determined to be a feeble minded moron, use a foot to flush the toilet. Using a foot will insure that no evil germies get on the hand.
Clean Up Your Tinkle: If an accidental drip splashes anywhere other than inside the bowl, wipe it up. Please don’t leave me to clean the seat when I’m about to burst at the seams. Blood, pee and poo are all disgusting to clean up, so just do it when it is moist and easily comes off.
Leave the Toilet Working: Do not dump a pad, tampon or the entire industrial roll of toilet paper into the bowl and make it impossible to use and requires a plumber to come out and fix. It isn’t harmless fun, damages the toilet, the plumbing and hurts those women who really need to relieve themselves.
Wrap Your Pads and Tampons: Under no condition throw unwrapped pad into the garbage, unless the finished seat covers and toilet paper are gone. The next girl who has to reach into the garbage to throw away her waste doesn’t want to palm rogue menstruation.
Pass the Toilet Paper: If when walking through the bathroom and a woman asks for toilet paper, take the time to find her some and pass it over. To ignore such a plea is a heartless act indeed.
It Stinks in Here: Yes it stinks in the bathroom, no reason to say it out loud. The person may be sitting, trying to finish up her bowel movement. She does not need to feel as if she is offending her bathroom mates because they are too idiotic to understand poop belongs in a toilet.
18 Paper Towels are not Necessary: There is no reason for any person to use 18 paper towels to dry their hands. Contrary to popular belief, one paper towel is adequate to dry both hands if done properly. If one is not enough, two will be adequate. After two paper towels you are just making a mess, increasing the cost for everyone, not caring for our environment and being wasteful.
In the Garbage, Not Near the Garbage: We all play bathroom basketball from time to time and we all miss a shot. When a shot is missed, it is the responsibility of the shooter to pick it up and slam dunk it into the can.
Personal Space in Line: It is just downright rude when in line to invade the personal space of another woman. She will move as soon as she is able, so back off. If bathroom is small or the entry is small, don’t cram in the doorway. If people can’t get out, it is not possible to get in, and the people crowding the door are just screwing themselves out of the opportunity to pee.
Don’t Stand at the Sink: If a woman has just left the toilet, allow her to use the sink. If a freshen-up is necessary, stand to the side or behind her while she washes her hands and then return to your spot. Hand washing usually only takes a minute or two, it can wait.
None of these rules are major inconveniences to the person following them and none are useless. Give the other women who have to share the bathroom a break and be ladylike, at least in the bathroom.
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