Another Milestone in American Progress

The United States just had a moment to be noted in history, so let's set fighting aside for a moment and measure its importance. Enough of us believe a woman is capable of being president that we nominated one to run for president as the nominee for a major party.

As a woman, as an American, as a human being at this time in history, I'm proud that we broke this barrier.

Thank you America, for finally seeing vagina-ed Americans as more than baby popping rearers.

A woman's place is in the White House.

‪#‎herstory‬

The Crossroads of Our Country

Assuming both Trump and Clinton will move forward in the coming general presidential campaign, our country is at a cross roads of identity. Status quo is not an option now.

To the left we change into the country which sees women as leaders, may valuable all people, and embrace the potential of the future even though the unknown is scary. We may find the path to economic security for more. We risk the facing what we do not know.

To the right we willfully take the looping road to the past, putting minorities and women beneath white men again, and making economic stability only for a few. We embrace the primal satisfaction of knowing white is the default, entitled to the conquered land and people. We know exactly what we will get, we've already had it. 

America has chosen, we will not be stood still. We now decide where we go.

Feminism, Masculinism, Egalitarianism - The Distraction and Defense of the Perfect Label

Let's just say for a second we call the belief that women are equal to men and deserving of equal protections gender egalitarianism because it is about equality for both genders. We could then ask ourselves - are there challenges that women face which men do not which require consideration, and/or redress? If such things do exist, then it is natural to give such things a name. That is feminism. 

Feminists are not at war with equality. It is just a way of saying - hey -  some hurdles exist which need attention that women face and men do not. Man face challenges which women do not. We could call that Masculinism. Both fall under the heading of equality. Addressing specific needs of either gender and giving those needs and advocacy a name does not take it out from under the realm of equality or devalue the struggles of the other gender. 

When we discuss gay marriage, are we somehow saying that we don't think interracial marriage or trangender marriage or inter-relgious marriage matters? No. Asserting that feminism opposes equality because it labels a particular area of focus or advocacy is to say that the fight for equal access to marriage for gay people opposes equality. 

When someone demands a re-naming, they are doing two things; making a big deal of a semantic issue and attempting to make people defensive about advocating for women's needs. 

Having a discussion about the label is truly pointless. We could call feminism "flim-flam-jim-jam". When you oppose the word but not the meaning, you are truly wasting time and bickering about nothing in an attempt to exhaust the other person so they do not discuss the matters of substance- but that is the point for most people who make this argument. By forcing people to address the label on the idea, not the actual idea, the label objector distracts from the idea, gives themselves an out of discussing the substance of the idea, while making it clear that every level of conversation will be hostile - even the terms.  

By making people defensive about addressing equality for women or labeling themselves a person who cares about equality for women or addressing issues that women face but men do not, they shut the conversation down before it even starts.

It  makes some fair minded people feel badly that each discussion about the needs of women is not accompanied by a need of men, thus making every topic about the needs or rights of women tied to a discussion about the needs of men. It is seen as unfair to discuss pay gaps for women without discussing workplace deaths for men. 

Separate discussions does not mean we are devaluing either side. It means each deserves focus.


Feminism and Masculinism are not zero sum games. The idea that one gender's gain is another's loss is why we see so many hateful pictures from Men's Rights Groups like the ones below. Generally, what benefits women also benefits men. Conflict between the two will occur and that is also not solved by changing a label. 

Damned right I'm a feminist - I believe that women deserve equal opportunities, access, and protections but also have special challenges which men do not which need careful consideration and redress. Damned right I am a Masculinist - I believe that men deserve equal opportunities, access, and protections but also have special challenges which women do not which need careful consideration and redress. Damned right I am a gender egalitarianist. I can be all three. 

Let's do our society a favor and discuss the ideas, not the label of the ideas. 

 

Sluts Cause Dropouts - An Argument in Favor of School Uniforms

This from the chronicles of "wait, it really is 2013, right?": High School Slut Edition

I was listening to the 910 in San Francisco radio today. I was gobsmacked by the what the host, "Frosty" said and the truly sexist sentiments - against both genders.

He was speaking in support of school uniforms. He is a proponent of school uniforms because "of the way girls dress these days." According to Frosty, girls mimic rock stars, who all dress like sluts and trash. So girls at school are dressing like trash and sluts. When girls dress "seductively" or "like sluts" or "like trash" or "show too much skin" at school, the girls distract the boys and lesbian girls so they can't accomplish as much at school. He makes no mention of young men dressed to be attractive.

In order to make this jaw-droppingly sexist of this statement, one has to believe that young straight men and lesbians are so weak that they can't accomplish anything with a pretty girl showing skin in the room. One also has to believe that a woman can be responsible for the failures of straight boys and girls simply by dressing provocatively. The use of "slut" and "trash" to describe women who enjoy or have lots of sex harkens back to when we measured women's worth by what her vag counter would read.

I don't think straight men and lesbians have such marshmallow resolve that they can't accomplish something in spite of sexual attraction. I guess he feels young men and lesbians are like physiological divining rods – following their genitals to the source, no matter the terrain.

It is flabbergasthing to hear some old, white, fuddy-duddy putting sex based values on women. The idea that women who enjoy sex or look like they enjoy sex are somehow tainted or bad is wickedly arcane. We (women) like sex. Hell, we have an entire multiple orgasms organ. We are not male sexual satisfaction apparatuses. The childish desire for a woman who is uncocked screams of personal inadequacies and an unwillingness to be judged against anyone else. Oh, and just because we like sex does not mean we aren't smart or anyone has any right to treat us like we are substandard human beings.

Men and lesbians are responsible for their own failures. If a young man can't graduate from school, it isn't because there were too many pretty girls around - it is because he decided to value a tingling sensation in his pants instead of in his brain. It isn't a woman's responsibility to coverup to stop men from looking at her. Pretty girls don't stop people from accomplishing something. Men and lesbians are responsible for their own behavior. If a teenage boy or lesbian can't stop chasing their genitals, that is their problem - not the girls who are dressed in a way you find provocative.

Asserting that the way women dress can derail progress or makes someone else not responsible for their own behavior has justified rape for generations. Hell, this is exactly the same reasoning that has women in the desert wandering about in meters of fabric, covering their entire body. I'm sure Frosty isn't arguing women should ride around in burqas or get raped, but he is employing the same reasoning for the same reason – to place blame with women for other people's feelings, arousal, and behavior based on it.

Let's get real for a second. Attractiveness rules in schools are not about stopping students from getting distracted. Modest dress never stopped a teenaged hormone. Amish teenagers couple, women in burqas find husbands, practicing Mormon women still have babies, Mennonite teens still find ways toward distraction through attraction. The clothes don't matter too much.

Rules about sexuality in schools are enacted to stop teachers from being attracted to a student and behaving in appropriately. I suspect that all old men who are outraged at the skin women show are pissy about this for the same reason; they find themselves attracted to young women and instead of checking their own feelings, they gets pissed at the broads for being slutty in their eyesight.

It's time we start calling this anti-sex geriatric anger what it is; an emotional slacker's attempt to pass responsibility for their own inadequacies onto the source of their insecurities.

http://www.talk910.com/pages/frosty.html

Rich, Delicate Egotists in Palo Alto Ban Living in Car

People in Palo Alto were so outraged that they had to look at the ugly reality of homelessness that instead of helping people, they banned living in cars. The consequence for living in your car is jail time and/or a $1,000 fine - an impossible amount for a person living in their car.

The sensibilities of the rich and privileged are so fragile that just seeing something unsavory, something uncomfortable is enough to demand their comfort be accommodated. They don't expect the same for the people in the cars, no. The comfort of the unfortunate doesn't matter to these deplorable, self-minded egotists.
Palo Alto, you are a bunch of delicate, heartless, self-important, inhumane debutantes, swimming in a sea of shameful inhumanity. You've done nothing but rain your ruthless, grotesque, self-minded behaviors like acid on everyone but yourselves.

Instead of burning the already injured with your aggrandized social vinegar, why don't you put on your big girl panties and feel the feelings associated with seeing another human being unhoused. Maybe then you might be compelled to actually do something to address the problems of homelessness.

Or will your little baby panties continue to ride up your crack?

http://blog.sfgate.com/stew/2013/08/07/emotions-run-high-as-palo-alto-bans-living-in-cars/

Photo: Kirstina Sangsahachart

My Birthday Wish: Be Noble

Every year when my birthday rolls around, someone asks what I want for my birthday. I am notoriously hard to shop for, because I do not value things, I value action. When my birthday swings back again,  like every year, no one knows what to give me, but I know what to ask for: Be Noble.

I am a writer and a small business owner, but my avocation and heart is in advocacy. I advocate for abused people. I try speak for the people that no one likes to talk about. The stuff that can bring you to tears just thinking of it. No one pays me, I do not belong to Advocates-R-Us. I am insulted, called names, besmirched, and degraded by people who are not willing to fix problems, but agree that problems exist. When my advocacy comes up at dinner parties or social functions, people say things like “thank you for doing that”, “you are so noble” and “you are so great” before they unceremoniously change the subject – too uncomfortable to think for even a few minutes that people are being raped, beaten, humiliated and degraded in their neighborhood. In some cases, their tax monies are paying people to abuse children. The loneliness and heartache can pile up as failures stack in front of me and I stand alone, insulted and too uncomfortable to discuss. I am not telling you this to brag or gain some recognition or pity. I tell you so you understand what it is like to be an advocate in areas people hate discussing and so you understand my birthday wish.

In economic terms, buying me a gift for X dollars requires X minutes of work – that's it. This year, instead of spending X dollars, I ask that you spend X minutes of work and do something, anything noble. Write a letter about a piece of legislation you agree or disagree with, write an email to a foundation who is behaving badly, clean up garbage in your neighborhood, fix a pothole, give food to the hungry, mow the neighbor's lawn, volunteer at an animal shelter, but please – do something that betters the planet.

Nothing would warm my heart more than if, instead of taking on something fun, take on something that really pains you to think about, something that stings your well-being. A non-profit that looks into animal abuse is sad, but those people need extra support and other people to look their challenges in the face with them. Stop looking at those people like they are a better class of person than you, a magical one-in-a-million genetic freak who is specially gifted by their alleles with strength or with ultra-honed senses of what is ethical, or moral. That makes their actions seem impossible for normal people and takes away the duty of average folks to be noble, like a 5'4 woman is not expected to do a slam dunk. That simply is not the case. Doing hard things, even if you might fail, because they are the right thing is a choice that is open to all of us.

Now you are thinking, all right – if that's what you want for your birthday, I'll do it, but I do not know where to start or what to do. That's ok, I have an idea. You can help abused children stay safe by sending one email. Tell decision-makers that you are no longer interested in funding a facility with over two decades of abuse reports.

No matter what you do to celebrate my birthday, make it good; not in the feeling way but in the moral way. Be Noble.

That will make my birthday truly happy.

Valley of Abuse - The Story of Valley of the Moon Children's Home

In the picturesque Valley of the Moon, sandwiched between two wineries, nestled at the foot of a mountain, and surrounded by acres of wine grapes is a facility where child victims of abuse or neglect wait for a foster home. The incredible view is smoke-screen for the grotesque abuses which have occurred at Valley of the Moon Children's Home for decades.  Children are delivered to Valley of the Moon Children's Home by police and social workers after being rescued from abuses in their home, only to be greeted with sexual, physical, emotional and educational abuse when they arrive. The abuses are not a secret, it is not malfeasance by a few bad staff; the abuses are an approved part of the program.

Valley of the Moon Children's Home (VOMCH) is a shelter in Sonoma County, California, where foster youth wait for a foster home or foster care placement. Children living at VOMCH have been removed from their homes because their parents raped, beat, slapped, punch, starved, neglected them or were unable to care for them in some way. They have done absolutely nothing wrong; they are victims.

Victims are re-victimized at VOMCH. It has a long history of abuse of youth in its care. Youth physically isolated, denied access to friends and family, have their phone access restricted, and are degraded on a daily basis. Sexual abuse is part of the intake routine, emotional abuse is unending, the isolation is devastates, educational opportunities are flicked away and physical abuse is part of life at VOMCH.

The Valley of the Moon Children's Home's program touts successful behavior modification using a program system by Boys Town. The Boys Town program was not developed to deal with sexually and physically abused children. In fact, Boys Town ended use of their shelter program in 2010 but VOMCH continues with that program.

A child is powerless over the circumstance which precipitate a child's placement at Valley of the Moon Children's Home but the burden and suspicion falls on them. After doing nothing wrong, they have to prove to staff they are social, obedient, and most of all - not dangerous. Youth are thrust into a program that requires them to earn the most common decencies and support; the privilege of speaking to their family, friends, school mates, and other people outside. They have to earn privacy, even in the bathroom.

The Department of Human Services forces youth prove they are good kids by behaving at VOMCH; a child deserving of a foster home. The consequences for life are dire. If they are not good enough, they will be denied access to foster homes, and instead go to a group home. There are group homes in Sonoma County which are worse than Valley of the Moon. A child is 28 percent more likely to be sexually abused while in a group home or institution than the average child. College? Forget about that if you have to live in a group home. If a child is too good at VOMCH, they will stay at Valley of the Moon Children's Home, left to languish because they are not in need of urgent attention. The balance of the program is a brawl for their future with no room for mistakes.

It falls to the staff to interpret rules at VOMCH. The rules are highly subjected because the rule book is riddled with words like “appropriate”. Youth have to figure out how each staff member views the rules. To prevent from being sent to a group home or from being left to languish, they have to develop a new personality for each staff – up to 40 including supervisors and housekeepers. It is impossible, and children break.

The remote location, the huge power differential, institutional setting and high stakes allowed abuses on a scale that would shock anyone's conscience.

In the 1990's, children were told to strip naked in front of a staff upon entry.  Injuries were photographed. Rape victims were forced to show their entire body, against their will to a non-medical stranger just hours after being raped. Any medical concerns should have been addressed by a doctor in a medial setting. Discovering injuries was not the purposes of the searches. It was a liability measure, meant to document injuries so youth could not claim they were abused in VOMCH's care.

Staff heaved unrelenting abuses on the children at VOMCH. Children were called names like spick, cunt, heretic, bitch, and worse by staff. The bathrooms were locked, which was justified as a measure to prevent children from raping each other. Staff refused to give children access and children would soil themselves. Staff would position themselves physically to make children feel afraid for their lives and would intentionally trigger children with emotional problems. Children had their heads shaved if their lice infestations were considered too severe. Children were impotent to speak up and defend themselves. Should they report the abuse, they would be seen as misbehaving and could risk a bad placement.They had to learn to deal with the abuse.

Children were prescribed psychotropic medication by the consulting on-site doctor without ever seeing a doctor. Youth who refused to take their medicine were severely punished.

Children were forced to go to the on-site school, which to call inadequate would be a kindness.The credit system at Valley of the Moon school actually made graduation from high school nearly impossible because it required youth to repeat entire semesters of classes when they returned to public school. If public Sally B. Sunshine School required 2 semesters of Algebra, that would be 10 credits of algebra, five per semester. A child could transfer from Valley of the Moon Children's Home school with 4 credits to Sally B. Sunshine School, almost an entire semester's worth of Algebra. However, Sally B. Sunshine School does not hand out credits by hour as VOMCH does. It is five credits or none. A child could not earn one credit. They would have to repeat an entire semester's education. A foster youth who stayed at VOMCH had to earn 14 credits of algebra, and take three semesters to graduate when an average student only had to earn 10 credits and two semesters. It was not just algebra - it was every class.

The Human Services big wigs say, that is the bad old days. Things are better now, they assure. That is not the case. We can tell a lot about what is going on in places like Valley of the Moon Children's Home by their program statements and physical restraint numbers.

Most abuses do not get filed in public records or put in writing. It is unethical to interview youth who are currently in foster care about VOMCH because we could put them in the position of being retaliated against because after a placement failure, they could return to VOMCH. We have to look at the things that indicate how seriously the Sonoma County Department of Human Services is treating youths' rights and the interactions between staff and youth which are mandated to be reported to outside agencies. We look at physical restraints because they should be used only when someone is at risk of imminently physically harming themselves or someone else. Any other use is child abuse.

From 2008-2010, VOMCH had the same physical restraint numbers as the foster care shelter in San Diego. Valley of the Moon Children's Home can house 60 children, while San Diego's can house 200. In 2011, VOMCH's physical restraint number doubled. In a meeting with an advocate on April 25, 2011, the director of Human Services Jo Weber said the difference between San Diego and Valley of the Moon's numbers may be the way restraints are reported. The day after the meeting, on April 26, 2011, the program statement for Valley of the Moon Children's Home was redrafted. In 2012, the physical restraint number plummeted to 24.

A drop like that speaks not to improvements in the system, but rather redefining what VOMCH staff and Human Services calls a physical restraint. They even changed the language they use, saying physical constraints instead of physical restraints.

The director of Sonoma County Human Services Jerry Dunn and division head of Family, Youth and Children's Division Nick Honey, have been asked by numerous advocates about why there is such a large change in numbers between 2011 and 2013. They have refused to answer.

*Update 7/20/13: Nick Honey told an advocate that the Therapeutic Crisis Intervention program, instated in 2008 is the reason for the change in 2012. This fails to account for several things. First, that is the same program in use during the huge spike so it can't be the sole cause. Second, the discipline section of the licensing program statement which covers physical restraints was revised on April 26, 2011 so there has been a revision since 2008.

The licensing program statement, the document which is given to the state to approve a license for a shelter, is also a good place to look to see how seriously youth rights are being respected. Advocates, including myself, have reviewed the program statement and found numerous rights violations.

*Update 7/20/2013:  At the time this article was originally published we had reviewed the entire statement but not cataloged the rights violations. There are over 300 rights violations and 200 licensing problems.

Youth are required to sign a behavior agreement before they are told their rights. The behavior agreement has thirteen rights violations written into it.

The program statement also requires that when there is a sexual abuse claim, staff strip children entirely naked, including their shoes and socks, and put the clothes in bags before they call the police. It also demands that children who report being sexually abused in their mouth be denied food until after the police arrive.

*Update 7/20/2013: Children are supposed to get a medical check and be medically cleared at the hospital before entering VOMCH. Children are medically inspected and photographed for evidence. Then they come to VOMCH and VOMCH staff again force them to disrobe, fully or partially, and photograph their injuries. It is obvious this isn't to detect injuries, it is to protect the facility from liability.

The entire program presumes the children need behavior modification even it is abuse against them which lands them at Valley of the Moon Children's Home. They are still not allowed to go to the bathroom without permission. They are allowed no privacy. They are not allowed to use the phone as freely as is required by law. Their personal possessions are strictly limited. All aspects of the program are meant to break a child down, and degrade them until they become institutionalized and obedient, completely reliant on staff to make decisions.

 If this were a shelter for raped adults, we would consider these conditions abusive, destructive and inhumane, but when they are applied to children – we turn a blind eye.

Continued advocate pressure has not persuaded Human Services staff to close Valley of the Moon Children's Home – even after decades of abuse. Human Services staff refuse to publicly announce any changes and continue to assert that no rights have been violated.

Most kids do go to a school other than the one at VOMCH now, but it was uncovered by advocates recently that the school at Valley of the Moon, run by the Sonoma County Office of Education was not providing youth with protections guaranteed by law. The school was in such disarray that it is being closed because it cannot be brought into compliance. However, closing the school does not solve the problems. The children who have been to the school at VOMCH have the same credit issues as before, and neither Human Services nor Sonoma County Office of Education have any plans to help the children graduate or correct the problems created by the school.

Valley of the Moon Children's Home serves no financial advantage over foster homes. An emergency foster home costs up to approximately $4,000 for the most high-needs children. Valley of the Moon Children's Home costs approximately $19,000-$26,000 per child per month.

In 2011, Jo Weber told an advocate that she wouldn't close Valley of the Moon Children's Home as long as it had strong public support. The Board of Supervisors refuses to even address it. I wonder if the public knew about the decades of abuse, if they would still support Valley of the Moon.

You can help the children of Valley of the Moon Children's Home. A simple email expressing your disgust for its practices and your expectation that they stop abusing children would show Human Services, Community Care Licensing, Sonoma County Office of Education and the Sonoma County Board of Supervisors that VOMCH is not supported by the community.

Sonoma County Board of Supervisors:

David Rabbitt, Mike McGuire, Shirlee Zane, Susan Gorin Efren Carillo

drabbitt@sonoma-county.org, mikemcguire@sonoma-county.org, szane@sonoma-county.org, ecarrillo@sonoma-county.org, Susan.Gorin@sonoma-county.org

Human Services Staff:

Department of Human Services Head: Jerry Dunn

Department of Human Services Family Youth and Children's Division Head: Nick Honey

Department of Human Services Family Youth and Children's Division Section Manager: Leslie Winters

honeyn@schsd.org, wintela@schsd.org, jdunn@schsd.org

Sonoma County Office of Education:

Superintendent: Stephen Herrington

Assistant Superintendent: Mickey Porter

Foster Care Liaison: Debra Sanders

(Almost former) Principal of SCOE School at VOMCH: Cliff Schlueter

cschlueter@scoe.org; mporter@scoe.org, dsanders@scoe.org, cschlueter@scoe.org

Community Care Licensing:

Supervisor: Happy Stuart

Happy.Stuart@dss.ca.gov

All:

Happy.Stuart@dss.ca.gov, cschlueter@scoe.org; mporter@scoe.org, dsanders@scoe.org, cschlueter@scoe.org, honeyn@schsd.org, wintela@schsd.org, jdunn@schsd.org

Here is a sample letter:

Date

Dear Decision Maker:

Conditions at Valley of the Moon Children's Home have come to my attention and are extremely concerning. I know advocates have brought the conditions to your attention but you have failed to adequately address the concerns.

The use of restraints as corporal punishment is abuse and is unacceptable. Intentionally refusing to help children who may not be able to graduate because of the conditions at Valley of the Moon school is unacceptable. Denying foster youth rights guaranteed under the law is egregious.

I do not want to continue to pay for the upkeep of this historically and presently abusive program. I ask that you close Valley of the Moon Children's Home as soon as is possible. Until it is possible, I demand independent advocate oversight to assure the youth's safety.

Thank you for your attention,

YOUR NAME

If you would like to participate further in advocacy efforts, please contact me at laraemeadows@gmail.com and I will pass you along to the people doing the hard work.

*edited June 23 to fix small problem with Boys Town description
*edited July 20 to add updates and because it was poorly written before damn it!